My intention for today was always going to be to chat a bit about the dreaded visit to the Oncologist. However, after a very bad night’s sleep I found I just didn’t seem to have the words..not my own or anyone else’s.
A telephone call changed all that..
Let me start with the actual visit to the Cancer Centre yesterday. So there we were, 3pm on a Tuesday afternoon very reluctantly heading towards a place we never had realised even existed until a few weeks ago, to officially meet with Dr D.
* a quick true story * a few days after we received my diagnosis and while we were still trying to process all the information given to us by the surgeon and the plastic surgeon, we were advised to also chat to an oncologist before making any final decisions regarding surgery etc. Not knowing any oncologists, we were given a few names to phone. Pete was assigned the task of contacting Dr Dent, and using his trusty search engine he found the contact details we were looking for, or so we thought! Fortunately, he realised the number he was busy dialing was for The Dent Doctor, a local panel beater! We were in hysterics imagining how THAT conversation would have gone! *
So any way, there we were with “The Dent Doctor” being told that despite being cancer free due to the surgery and according to the scans and biopsies – I would still be undergoing chemotherapy and radiation followed by hormone therapy. We had known this was a probability, but having him actually sit there in front of us and say the words was truly devastating. I understood his reasoning, and agreed with all the theory behind it: to significantly bring down the chances of a recurrence etc etc.. but listening to the side effects and then willingly committing myself to all of that, was really tough! But we filled out all the forms, got the contact details for local wig makers, ordered the chemo drugs and left feeling rather empty.
This morning I totally admit it, I woke up feeling very sad for myself. Thinking of losing my hair, having to feel sick all over again just when I have started feeling almost normal and after already giving up so much of myself to surgery this just seemed too much to expect anyone to do. So cruel and unfair!
Then the phone call came… a relative so happy to have heard my good news! I was thinking to myself, oh shame, he obviously hadn’t quite got the whole story, he hadn’t heard about the treatment I still have to have over the next 6 months to 5 years, he doesn’t know my hair, eyelashes and eyebrows will be falling out. So I thanked him and started to say, yes BUT…. And it hit me, there was no YES BUT! Today, I am Cancer free! Next week’s treatment and its consequences will be next week’s problem!
TODAY, I am Cancer free!
“I, not events have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I am going to be happy in it.” Groucho Marx
“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.” Corrie Ten-Boom