Last night I graduated.
I’m getting a little ahead of myself here. Something about me you may not already know: I LOVE percale sheets, I know that makes me sound like a snob, but let’s just put it this way, I am not a morning person and I love my bed!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE my percale sheets, I love the feel of them, the way they make you feel like you are sleeping in a fancy hotel every night, pure luxury… cool, crisp and soooo soft! What they are not, as we discovered on the first day I got out of hospital, is able to keep you lying upright in bed!
Not being able to use my arms to push myself up or down I found that I although I was able to get into bed (not quite as graciously as I was accustomed to), I was unable to stop myself from sliding down, mostly due to the lack of friction of my beloved 300 thread count cotton sheets! I ended up being rather awkwardly propped up with my head at a 90 degree angle!
My brilliant, problem solving husband came up with the solution. Not one to willingly give up his percale sheets either, he woke up during the night and had a Eureka moment!
Unbeknown to me, I got up the next morning for my bathroom break and came back to a very different looking bed. My beautiful, white percale sheets were marred by a strip of black rubber webbing and there was Pete, proud as punch with himself and his ingenuity. He had taken the special anti-slip lining from his car boot, cut a square out of it and placed it where I would lie. He figured if it could stop boxes, grocery bags, tools etc sliding around the boot then it would be good enough to stop his wife slide down the bed!
Slightly apprehensive and rather skeptical, I got into bed. I mean, how do you crush a man’s spirit after a midnight revelation! Surprisingly it totally worked! I was able to sit up in bed propped up by my pillows and my anti-skid mat rather successfully. It was amazing, I was able to read, eat and drink practically sitting up! The downside came a half an hour later. I blame it on Sir Isaac Newton and one of his lesser knows theories on gravity. … The rubber webbing obviously created enough of a friction surface between the percale sheet and my PJ’s, unfortunately what it didn’t take into consideration was that my body (due to my heavy bones!) was still subjected to gravity. So technically speaking…my PJ’s stuck to the webbing but my panties and my body were still moving south, resulting in a wedgie of note!
BUT being the fearless inventor of the anti-skid mat and not willing to give up his cunning plan, Pete started another evening ritual. Panty patrol – I won’t give you any of the gory details!
So yesterday after the physio, my exercises and my healing arm, I was able to sleep for the first time in 4 weeks flat on my back without being propped up by a million pillows. My anti-skid mat was no longer needed.
So goodbye to mesh marks on my bottom and goodbye and good riddance to wedgies!
Another milestone has been reached!
“Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave Our lives are measured by these.” Susan B. Anthony
“Poems in a way are spells against death. They are milestones, to see where you were then from where you are now. To perpetuate your feelings , to establish them. If you have in any way touched the central heart of mankind’s feelings, you’ll survive”. Richard Emberhart
I’m very pleased with each advancing year. It stems back to when I was forty. I was a bit upset about reaching that milestone, but an older friend consoled me. Don’t complain about growing old – many, many people do not have that privilege”. Earl Warren