My second chemo weekend done and dusted and I think I slept through most of it! I cannot believe how exhausted my body has been this time around. Having learned to use my anti-nausea medication more effectively has allowed me to focus on getting more rest and not on my queasy tummy. I guess that’s what this fighting process is all about, learning, adapting and never forgetting…
I have a busy week ahead of physio, blood tests and my 3rd fill. Today is also 2 months since my surgery; two months of physical, emotional and spiritual upheavals. Learning to take one step at a time, trying not to look back but also remembering it is impossible to look too far ahead for fear of being overwhelmed by the journey still ahead.
It’s been a time of contradictions, insecurities, pain of physical and mental scars; being expected to be stronger than you have ever had to be in your life, when realistically you have never felt so weak… Sometimes the ugliness of it seemed just too overwhelming. So much easier to just lay down and let it consume… to give up trying to put on a brave face, telling the world you are fine as it’s actually impossible to put into words how scared and out of depth you actually feel, and let’s be honest – who actually wants to hear that.
Over the last two months I have found that the only way it has been possible to keep this chaotic new life in perspective has been to write about each unfolding chapter, every experience. To be able to process so I can continue getting up in the mornings and never forget to keep moving forward.
“Courage is not having the strength to go on; it is going on when you don’t have the strength”. Theodore Rooseveld
“Life can be funny and serious. We either laugh over it or cry over it. But Life itself doesn’t care about such reactions. It goes on.” Terry Mark
“Maybe you have to know the darkness before you can appreciate the light”. Madeleine L Engle
“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are”. Unknown
“All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward”. Ellen Glasgow
“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.” Ernest Hemingway