Holding hands and Celine Dion

Here I am again with chemo dripping through my veins.  Wow that sounds quite poetic, maybe a possible line from a hit song – I could make a fortune!  Maybe I could get Celine to sing  a sequel to “my heart will go on”.  *sorry -chemo humour* 🙂

Chemo brain is now clearly giving me  delusions of grandeur and not only making me put strange things in the freezer or yelling at the credit card division for daring to phone me to say my credit card payment hadn’t been made.

I gave the consultant an earful, (peppered with just the right measure of wit and self righteous sarcasm), I had NEVER in 15 years missed a payment, I pay my card off in full every month and how dare you phone me to say I owe R25 and waste my time ( that was delivered with a particular dose of sarcasm!) would they like me sign a payment plan to pay it off or put that on budget?  Pete dared to suggest perhaps I should just check that I paid my card last month, this was met with a deadly stare and a curt,  “of course I have paid it!”.

So yesterday after having received 3 sms’ s and a computerised voice recorded message from the bank, I checked last month’s eft’s solely for the purpose of sending them a rude email substantiated by my electronic receipt!  Imagine my surprise when I could find no proof of payment….in fact I could not find proof of me paying ANY accounts last month.  And just like that my indignant sarcastic self righteous bubble deflated .  I quietly paid my card and accounts and avoided my phone for the rest of the day…

So where was I…. oh yes, Celine Dion, did I ever mention, I saw her in concert before she was even really famous, it was in …

Just joking, today is my 7th chemo, 8 to go whoo hoo!

Last night after having a bit of a wobble,  Pete is here today holding my hand.  I am very grateful, especially when one soldier had a bad reaction while saline was being administered through his port, an apparent infection the cause.

The thing I found most upsetting wasn’t seeing him shivering and shaking under a layer of blankets on a blisteringly hot morning, or the oxygen being administered to him by the the calm efficient sisters or even him being loaded up on a stretcher and taken off to hospital by the professional ER 24 paramedics; it was seeing him sitting on his lazy boy all on his own with no-one holding his hand.

“Nothing in this world compares to the comfort and security of having someone just hold your hand.” Richelle E. Goodrich

“Have you ever really held the hand of someone you love? Not just in passing, a loose link between you – but truly clasped, with the pulses of your wrists beating together and your fingers mapping the knuckles and nails like a cartographer learning a country by heart?” Jodi Picoult

“It’s like waking up and finding there’s a war on. Nothing’s the way it used to be and it’s difficult to get your balance. That’s why I held Billy’s hand.” Glenda Millard

“In joined hands there is still some token of hope, in the clinched fist none.” Victor Hugo


3 thoughts on “Holding hands and Celine Dion

  1. “I feel like I can conquer the world with one hand when you’re holding the other one” – Anon

    I’ve always appreciated you being there to hold my hand at every turn – and you’ve always done it so willingly. Its now my turn to return the favour and hold yours. You’re allowed to have wobbles, chemo brain moments and just not to be ok sometimes.

    It broke my heart today, thinking that you could have been there, all alone with no one to hold your hand. It may not always be me, but between me – and all those fantastic people out there, we’ll make sure there is someone there by your side for you to lean on.

    There is nothing nice about what you’re going through, I’m just grateful that you’re going through all this so that I get to hold your hand for a lot longer… xxx

    “Holding hands is a promise to one another that, for just a moment you, you don’t have to face the world alone.” – Anon

    “I never knew that holding someone’s hand could feel so inviting, so familiar and yet so new at the same time. Holding your hand, I celebrate it. I mark it on calendars.” – Anita Krizzan


  2. Thank you P, love all your quotes! And thank you for coming with me today, despite the circumstances. It’s hard to admit weakness and I know just how much you worry about me every day. 8 treatments, and hopefully only 8 weeks left xxxx


  3. Hi Janine,

    As ever – I love reading your blog posts. You really do “keep it real.” Some quotes for you:

    “Love works miracles every day: such as weakening the strong, and strengthening the weak; making fools of the wise, and wise men of fools; favouring the passions, destroying the reason, and, in a word, turning everything topsy-turvy.” -Marguerite De Valois

    “Love is not ‘blind’ but visionary: it sees into the heart of it’s object, and sees the ‘real self’ behind and in the midst of the frailties and shortcomings of the person.” -Andras Angyl


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