Deja vu

The Freedom Day long weekend is officially over!

Had a busy week last week with physio and a visit to Dr B. Both good visits and both very pleased with all the healing so far…

Saturday saw Pete and I heading off to Howick for a truly beautiful wedding….was so pleased we were able to make it, even had a chance to do some (gentle) boogie-ing! Congratulations Kath and Kent wishing you both a lifetime of love and laughter.

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Had my first shower in 12 days on Saturday – Kath and Kent you should be honoured (and extremely thankful!) 😉

It was exactly how I imagined it would be, complete HEAVEN! It’s amazing what pleasure can be found in everyday small things!

And… as with most pleasurable things, there are generally always some non pleasurable consequences…. yesterday morning after 2 days of showering, it was time to change dressings….

I had everything prepared for Pete.. the hyperfix, the bactroban, the self adhesive tape for the re-strapping, even the rolled up gauze for stuffing my surgical bra. What I wasn’t prepared for was the sense of deja vu…. Pete marveling how well the cuts were healing as he calmly took off the old dressings….. and for me – the wave of nausea, the sudden and instantaneous break out of cold sweat (which may or may not be something to do with the hot flushes), the ringing in my ears (which had nothing to do with wedding bells) and the very real fear of falling down…. A physical reaction to emotional anguish (horror) I am told.

It was a truly humbling and realistic reminder that despite being told how “brave and courageous” I seem to be on the surface, and me almost buying into all of that… not so deep down, I’m actually still just a scared little girl.

 

“You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.” –Eric Hoffer

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One thought on “Deja vu

  1. “Being a hero doesn’t mean you’re invincible. It just means that you’re brave enough to stand up and do what’s needed.”
    – Rick Riordan –

    Dressing changes are clearly not either of our favorite days – for me its all about strategy, why do you think I sit down when I change the dressings? Because I’m not as brave as you, and worry my legs won’t hold me up – its not because I need to be closer to the cuts 😉

    Our bodies are remarkable and the healing from surgery like yours is amazing – but there is also healing of the soul that needs to take place, and that I know it going to take time for us both and that’s OK. Each step brings new challenges, concerns and worries but as we did on the last one, we’ll get through them all. We’ll keep moving forward, together – and at some point, we’ll be taking in amazing sunsets somewhere exotic and smiling at what this road taught us both. Don’t forget how amazing you are. xxx

    “We can’t always choose how the music life plays for us, but we can choose how we dance to it.”
    – Anon –

    “Always remember that your present situation is not your final destination. The best is yet to come.”
    – Anon –

    Like

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