False Start


So today I got the other call….

The radiation machines will be down for maintenance next Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. The radiation bunker administrator apologetically emphasized that having two days of radiation followed by 5 days of non radiation made no sense, so she would prefer that I only start my full 5 week treatment a week later.

My first reaction surprised me, I felt really disappointed (???!!!).

And really rather despondent. How could they do this, did they not understand what a battle this has been for me to find some sort of peace and resignation with this thing in just 3 days? I had already counted out the weeks on my calendar and highlighted the last day of treatment…..

But then I remembered the words from Brenda, a very special lady I met yesterday….

Surrender, Trust and Be Thankful

Surrender: there is absolutely NOTHING I can do about the workings and non-workings of the Radiation-Ray-Gun machine.

Trust: that this is happened for a (good) reason – To give me more time for my body to heal? To go and see Gillian for another session of physio and get the lymph more under control?

Be Thankful: Okay, I’m still working on this one 😉


“Always say “yes” to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? What could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say “yes” to life — and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.” Eckhart Tolle


“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and  begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.”
C. JoyBell C.


“The pondering heart is a thankful heart.” Todd Stocker




5 thoughts on “False Start

  1. Oh noooo Janine, I am so sorry…… you have been through so much and yet another setback and disappointment and I’m sure its really hard to keep positive and strong all the time! In hindsight you have come so far and your attitude is truly amazing! Keep your chin up, you are an inspiration to many xxx Love Lucy


  2. Hi Janine I am Veryan’s (lifeinextremis) mother-in-law. Thank you for your inspirational writing and quotes, I love the Tolle one particularly, such wise words for when the shit hits the fan and also when life is ‘normal’. May healing light surround you, with love, Eloha


  3. Hi Eloha, it’s great to “meet” you! So glad you like that quote, so very true and certainly one of my favourites. Thank you for your kind words and for reading my blog; it has helped me keep things in perspective and slay some pretty scary demons along the way. I hope Veryan finds that her blog does the same for her.

    Please feel free to share any of your favourite quotes!
    Looking forward to chatting with you again, take care, lots of love Janine


  4. Circumstances may cause interruptions and delays, but never lose sight of your goal.
    – Mario Andretti –

    Determination gives you the resolve to keep going in spite of the roadblocks that lay before you.
    – Denis Waitley –

    A few more days for you to get stronger, its hard and frustrating but know you’ll get through another week of waiting. xxx


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