A Lump in the road….

This has been a week of highs and some lows…….

It started off really well with a day trip to the beautiful Midlands with my sister, Shaldean, in celebration of her 40-something birthday.  There was some shoe shopping and lunch involved along with a trip to Culamoya, where she adopted some wind chimes -we were told by the lady who makes them that you cannot buy something made with love.  The ones Shal finally chose were aptly named “Happy” they certainly “sound” exactly like that – Happy 🙂

Shal at Culamoya

Shal at Culamoya

Despite having lived for the majority of my life in PMB, TODAY I did the Capital Climb for the very first time!  OK, so before any of you who know me fall on the floor with incredulation and hysterical laughter, I need to clarify that it was the 5km fun run!  And in MY case, it was the 5km (not-so-fun-up-Taunton-Road) walk.

I really should be walking these distances with a compression sleeve to keep the lymph under control on the right side; so to compensate I have to do a fair number of hand shaking and hand flicking to keep the circulation moving – I’m sure for anyone walking behind me it looks as if I am constantly indicating my intention to change lanes!  🙂

I was particularly proud of Pete who did the full 15km run in an amazing time – despite the resulting nipple blisters – hee hee sorry for you – fortunately for me I will NEVER have that problem!!!

Capital Climb 1

And yesterday, after a 4+ month break, I was finally able to get back to pilates!  It was quite a shock to the system and a very LONG road ahead to get back to where I was a year ago.  I fully faced THAT reality when I ROLLED out of bed this morning with EVERY muscle in my body protesting, desperately tempting me to stay in bed rather than put my takkies on!

The downsides to the week started with the news of Robin Williams’ death.   It took me back to my Standard 9 year when our whole grade walked all the way from our school to the Capital Towers movie house to watch DEAD POETS SOCIETY.  I have never actually watched the movie again but it remains one of those movies that will always resonate with me.   RIP Captain…..

Dead poets society

Yesterday also saw Pete and I heading to the Dent Doc’s office a week earlier than my scheduled 6 week post radiation check-up………

So there I was earlier this week with my lotions and potions, studiously working on my daily lymph drainage.  Massaging my right boob to help break down the radiation scarring so it doesn’t become a complete solid mass, putting on my bio oil and scar repair creams…….when my heart literally  stopped…..…on my left side just beneath the surface of my now almost invisible original mastectomy scar, I felt a tiny lump.

As I managed to get my breathing back under control I moved my fingers slightly higher up and found another one and then a slightly bigger one.  Now to anyone who has ever found their own breast tumours, I’m sure you understand the complete terror I’m talking about – how your body goes completely cold in denial and disbelief.  So much so that you have to go back over the spot again and again, just to make sure….. just in case you made a mistake the first 5 times………

Yip despite re-checking and re-checking and re-checking, they were definitely still there – 3 definite round lumps.

Well needless to say Pete and I haven’t slept particularly well since then.

Pete clearly less so as he emailed the Dent Doctor yesterday morning and managed to get us an early appointment….

The drive there felt like the same one we took there almost a year ago…

The Dent Doc examined me in almost complete silence (which kinda added to the stress) but did stop to remark on how amazed he was at the incredible healing of my radiated side!  I did beam at that cos it has taken a lot of hard work from both Gillian and I to get it looking that “good”!

After I managed to get dressed despite constantly shaking fingers, he sat down with us and said he wasn’t overly concerned…. BUT that there was definitely something there ……quite possibly it was a few fat cells which had adhered to the scar tissue (damn those fat cells, the bane of my life!!!).  BUT that he needed to eliminate any other (nasty) alternatives and the only way he could do that was by sending me for a scan.  BUT should that still be inconclusive he would need Dr B, my plastic surgeon, to cut that part of the scar out to investigate further……..

So Wednesday morning I head back to the hospital for an MRI ……………..  😦

 

Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles – Alex Karras

“Sisters function as safety nets in a chaotic world simply by being there for each other.”  Carol Saline

“Whenever you read a cancer booklet or website or whatever, they always list depression among the side effects of cancer. But, in fact, depression is not a side effect of cancer. Depression is a side effect of dying.” John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

“Cancer is messy and scary. You throw everything at it, but don’t forget to throw love at it. It turns out that might be the best weapon of all.” Regina Brett

“The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next” – Mignon McLaughlin

My favourite Dead Poets Society quotes:

“O Captain, my Captain. Who knows where that comes from? Anybody? Not a clue? It’s from a poem by Walt Whitman about Mr. Abraham Lincoln. Now in this class you can either call me Mr. Keating, or if you’re slightly more daring, ‘O Captain my Captain’.”

“Why do I stand up here? Anybody? I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way.”

“They’re not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they’re destined for great things, just like many of you, their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? – – Carpe – – hear it? – – Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.”

“Now we all have a great need for acceptance, but you must trust that your beliefs are unique, your own, even though others may think them odd or unpopular, even though the herd may go (imitating a goat) “that’s baaaaad”. Robert Frost said, “Two roads diverged in the wood and I, I took the one less travelled by, and that has made all the difference.”

“I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself.”

“Boys, you must strive to find your own voice. Because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all. Thoreau said, “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation.” Don’t be resigned to that. Break out!”

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4 thoughts on “A Lump in the road….

  1. You can’t ever claim to have boring weeks…

    Its amazing how we forget, but this week bought back that sinking feeling like a kick to the stomach. And yes, the slight control freak that I am, didn’t see myself lasting through the weekend and all the way to next Wednesday until we could get an update, find out whats next and what plans we need to get into action. Was very glad that the Dent Dr replied to my email and fitted us in, more so that he took the time to explained that his motivation on the form for the scan was more for the benefit of the medical aid funding – not know that and reading it afterwards would have out me into a further decline… But here we are – again – waiting for the next scan…

    An unpleasant ending to a good week, but again a reminder of all that we have to be grateful for. Birthdays to celebrate, day trips to the midlands, friends and family that care, exercise (OK well perhaps after today, I need to scratch that but this time last year, I’d never have thought I’d be doing a 15km run – thanks to everyone whose challenged me to go bigger than park run!), our crazy dogs, our home and we have each other. We never imagined that this time last year we would be able to cope with the curve ball life threw us, but we have – and we’ll get through this one too. xxx

    “Sometimes it’s the same moments that take your breath away that breathe purpose and love back into your life.”
    – Steve Maraboli –

    “Today we fight. Tomorrow we fight. The day after, we fight. And if this disease plans on whipping us, it better bring a lunch, ’cause it’s gonna have a long day doing it.”
    – Jim Beaver –

    “Cancer gave me an understanding of the point of all this. To survive. Most of our lives it is easy but for the moments when it becomes difficult, when accident or sickness or sadness strikes, it’s just about remembering one thing. You must simply survive.”
    – Shaun Hick –

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    • I am gateful for the email you sent the Dent Doc and that he could see us yesterday…I dont think I could have coped with the wait! Thank you once again for being there to hold my hand. Our lives have certainly not been boring this last year….looking forward to many boring ones. Love those quotes so much! So proud of you and your first 15km, next a half marathon xxxx

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  2. I hope it is just that, fatty lumps. I have them all over my body (thanks to my Dad’s genes- who is also covered in them). They have taken several of them out over the years and I am due to have some particularly large ones out in a couple months time. They always send them off for testing and fortunately have always come back as just irritating lumps of fat- why they can’t take more generous amounts of my vastly fattier areas is beyond me. Praying that your scan goes well and that the scar tissue starts to soften. Sending you all my love. xoxo

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  3. Thank you Jacqui, I felt loads better after reading your post! But also so sorry to hear about your fat lump issues! Glad to hear that you have them removed and tested, i’m sure you understand fully the fear of waiting for the results. Hope the removal of the next batch goes smoothly. Xxxx

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