A perspective change

???????????????????????????????

So today’s one of those days, you know the ones I’m talking about, when you wonder whether the day should be significantly acknowledged or whether you should even bother getting out of bed….

But, I guess there is no way of getting away from it, today IS a significant day. It is exactly 365 days since my diagnosis.

When I look back on this week, a year ago, it all started rather innocently with a routine visit to my GP for my annual lady bits check-up and for her to just check on a lump which didn’t feel quite “right”……it ended not so innocently with mammograms, ultrasounds, biopsies and a trip back to her office for the not so good news….

I remember sitting in her rooms thinking quite calmly, that my life was over. I had lost my mom to cancer a few months after I turned 13, so in my mind was a child’s firmly fixed point of reference…  Was there any point to the surgery? Once they started cutting the cancer would spread, that was my complete and unequivocal thinking… why should I bother?

Then something changed… I remember driving home later in that same week from yet another scan or doc visit….  I had my radio on and was hearing about the horrific mini bus and truck accident on Fields Hill – 27 ordinary people with families and lives who were never going to make it home that evening….

It was as if the blur of the week came into crystal clear focus…… That could have been me – I could have been driving home from the GP giddy with the news that it wasn’t a lump I needed to be worried about, killed by a runaway truck…

Rather morbid I know – but certainly possible… and just the perspective that I needed….

Who the hell was I to even think of giving up?

Perspective has been my best friend and my worst enemy ever since. It has shown me that despite the physical and mental pain of this year, there has always been someone whose situation was far more dire than my own. And I’m not just saying that to be glib – I do know, because I have met some of them.

****BUT also really annoying when I just felt like having a feel sorry for myself kind of day…..!****

Today is another change of perspective for me. If I only look at this day from the perspective of ME and the cancer – and let’s be honest here, this year has most certainly been all about me and the cancer – it has been an awful, awful year.

But realistically I also know it hasn’t just been about me…and things have not been continuously awful.  It’s also been about the incredible people I have met, the friends and family who have taken me to treatments, made me laugh when I really didn’t have much to laugh about, sent messages, brought meals and quite often – another change of perspective….

And it has been about Pete…

Both of our lives changed a year ago.

So I would rather remember today as being the day I looked back and fully realised just what an amazing human being and husband he is; and just how lucky I have been to have him hold my hand along every step of this unexpected journey.

You are my everything Pete and I honestly can say that I love you more today than I could have even comprehended a year ago…

 

“Sometimes, reaching out and taking someone’s hand is the beginning of a journey. At other times, it is allowing another to take yours…” Vera Nazarain

 

“ We shall not cease from exploration

And the end of all our exploring

Will be to arrive where we started

And know it for the first time.” TS Eliot

 

“Forget what hurt you but never what it taught you” Anon

 

“There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of

perception.” Aldous Huxley

 

“Often it isn’t the mountains ahead that wear you out, it’s the little pebble in your shoe.” Muhammad Ali

 

“When it seems like the sky is about to collapse, relax, that’s just the roof caving in.”Jarod Kintz

Advertisements

15 thoughts on “A perspective change

  1. Hi Janine. I think you have made a bigger impact on more people than you will ever know. Your perspective has changed but so have many people’s who have been reading your blog. I think we all look at life differently. Robbie always says ‘live for today – let tomorrow look after itself’ and Mark ‘problems – don’t worry about the things you can’t change – worry about the ones you can and change them’. I think all our lives have changed but yours and Pete’s the most. ‘Live life fully – you never know what tomorrow will bring’ – hopefully peace and happiness for ever. xxxx

    Like

  2. I haven’t had words since I read this post last week but finally I’ve found someone who says it better than I ever could… xxx

    “If nothing else, I hope you know that I love you with every ounce of my being. I hope you realise your importance not only to me, but to everyone who has been lucky enough to know you. I hope you know that when you’re feeling down, I strive for your happiness. I hope you remember that no matter what, I’m here for you and I fully intended of staying in your life for quite some time. I hope you recognize the fact that I appreciate and adore you without restraints, and that will never ever change no matter what happens. You’ve completely changed the person that I am and I will never be the same because of you. I’m proud to say that that you’re the one whose helped shape me into the person that I am and I wouldn’t want to feel this way with anyone else but you.”
    – Anon –

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You probably saw on my blog that I’m a survivor too! I lucked out at stage 1 and had double boobectomies. It sound like you went through a lot more.
    Breast cancer isn’t the killer it used to be. Every time I started down “the hole” I would remember to be thankful for that day and would look forward to the next. Now that it’s been a year, I don’t think about it very often except my “bionic boobs” always feel weird!
    Thanks for bringing this to the party. Have fun clicking on links and meeting my friends!

    Like

    • Thank you Susie, yes have been reading your posts these last few months – and have been inspired by your positivity and creativity! Yes the bionic boobs are definitely something that has to “grow on you” 🙂
      Thank you for taking the time to write back and for sharing your friends!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Janine-Terrific post. Cancer is a terrible thing and I love how you articulate the gifts your illness has brought along with the pain and fear. I have a dear friend whose mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in her late 40s back in the 1980s. My friend, in her late 40s, was diagnosed with breast cancer about three years ago.

    This summer, her Mom was part of a big cheering squad for my friend when she ran her first mini-Triatholon here in Maine (a big cancer research fundraiser). My friend had never learned to swim as a child and set her sights on her strokes as she prepped for the Tri.

    I also have lost friends to breast cancer, so I know that the news isn’t always good. But these days, survivors are far more numerous, something that I take hope from.

    Best wishes as you continue your treatment.

    Like

  5. Hi Dianne, good to meet you! Thank you so much, it’s always good to hear positive stories about survivours and to remember to be grateful because there are many who are not so fortunate.
    Thank you for taking time to read my blog! Much appreciated!
    Will be visiting you soon!
    Take care
    Janine

    Like

  6. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful. This is such a touching ode to your husband, and what you’ve been through. I feel so much the same in regards to my own husband who has been incredible. Even if we do need our self-pity moment, it’s also good to realize how others are being impacted, and also – even more – what a gift they are. So, beautiful. Love this post.

    (And Susie sent me!) ~Catherine

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s