Bionic Boobs: The Advantages

So you would think that there are not many advantages to having bionic boobs, right?

Well, you would be wrong: No worrying about saggy boobs, even if I lived to be 100!  There’s also the fact that I can flex them like a professional muscle man… umm person, thanks to them lying directly underneath my pecs… and then there’s …..umm, well okay, that’s pretty much all I can think of right now…

So despite all these (two) cool benefits, the one thing I thought would really work for me  – seeing as at the moment  I wasn’t planning a professional muscle building career or perhaps living to see 100 – was the fact that 2 x bionic boobs meant NO mammograms…. for life… like never, ever!   A serious bonus all you ladies having your regular mammograms would attest to – am I right???

Weeeell apparently not, as I find myself booked in for… you guessed it… a mammogram next week!

The last time I saw the Dent Doc, he wanted me to have a CT scan to check that there were not tumours lurking in any organs.  And I can say, very happily, that block was ticked!  He also wanted me to have a specific scan concentrating only on my chest area to make sure that there were no signs of a recurrence of the cancer.  Now you may ask why on earth would I ever need to worry about that –I don’t have any “real” boobs after all.  Well, to get technical for a moment, apparently no matter how carefully my surgeon may have been at removing ALL of my breast tissue, there would still undoubtedly be remnants left somewhere, which in turn equals possible sites for a recurrence. He explained to me that all the research he had done indicated that yearly chest MRI scans were the best way of detecting this possibility.

So long story short:  My medical aid will not approve a chest MRI unless the results of a mammogram and ultra sound are inconclusive.   I actually laughed at the Medical aid rep who told me that.  Like duh lady…I have no boobs, so how would you propose I squash these bionic puppies flat in a mammogram thingy machine in order to possibly see anything of significance, without doing serious damage!

Well apparently the joke’s on me.

Dr B says that they will be absolutely fine, no chance of rupturing.  She said she’s been assured that you could drive over them and they would not spring a leak!  I’m a bit nervous of Pete finding that one out as I’m sure he would be tempted to try!

So another positive to add to the growing list of bionic boob advantages:  if the end of the world comes, apparently cockroaches would not be the only things to survive!

And now that I’ve been re-assured of not popping these suckers, I worry more about the discomfort level of having pec muscles squished in the mammogram thingy machine …oh yes, and from the sounds of it, being responsible for them actually damaging the mammogram thingy machine!

EiSH!

“My breasts are so low now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time”. Joan Rivers

“On a personal note: I have contracted an outstanding case of breast cancer, from which I intend to recover. I don’t need get-well cards, but I would like the beloved women readers to do something for me: Go. Get. The. Damn. Mammogram. Done.” Molly Ivins

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