Chemotherapy ….. mmm how do I feel today now that I’m actually here, sitting in my comfy lazy boy chair watching these drugs go into my veins? With all the past weeks of turmoil, tantrums and being so conflicted? Resigned? Accepting? The chemo sister had a good word….pragmatic.
So many drips, I can see why they say it can take two and a half hours to administer! The first one is cortisone, one of the drugs to help combat the chemo side effects, then Doxorubicin aka “the red devil” mostly due to its neon red colour and its potency! A rather large pill to take for nausea (I was very relieved when I was told it was to be taken orally!), a quick saline flush, the next chemo drug and another saline flush.
The possible and probable side effects have been explained to me by the kind and efficient sister Gill…what constitutes an emergency and what is considered “chemo normal”. Reassurance that I’m in good hands, being told that they are all so happy to have me here, despite the awful circumstances.
So, going back to the question… how do I feel today?
I feel STRENGTHENED with all the support and messages I have received; I feel IN CONTROL of the things I can control; I feel FORTUNATE to be having this treatment as I now know some are not as lucky; I feel LOVED having Pete beside me holding my hand and making me remember what this is all actually for and about; and I, right now, at this very moment… I feel at PEACE.
“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face…we must do that which we think we cannot” Eleanor Roosevelt
“Instead of comparing our lot with that of those who are more fortunate than we are, we should compare it with the lot of the great majority of our fellow men. It then appears that we are among the privileged”. Helen Keller
“Learn from the past, set vivid detailed goals for the future, and live the only moment of time over which you have any control: now”. Denis Waitley
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage”. Lao Tzu
“Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset”. Saint Francis de Sales