Today was blood test day!  I arrived at the laboratory rather apprehensively as my vein has still not made a re-appearance. However without much effort or pain the nurse managed to find it hiding just below the skin – (I understand how it feels, I wish I could do the same!).  I left feeling rather relieved, I even felt confident enough in my head scarf to go and do a few errands.


I should have known things had been a little too easy…..


The problem came an hour later when I was phoned by the cancer centre to say that they had received the results and my white blood cell count was low… my heart just sank along with my mood.


 I have my next chemo booked for this Friday.  Something I was really trying not to think about and certainly not looking forward to, especially remembering how awful I felt three weeks ago after the first one.


But it is amazing how quickly things are put into perspective!  I have already mentioned that having a lower than chemo normal white blood cell count means the next treatment cannot happen until it improves.  (Yes, you have to be well enough to have chemo so that you are strong enough to handle being made unwell by the chemo!)  Normally this would sound like fabulous news, YAY NO CHEMO! Realistically though, all it means is that another week or longer could be added on to the whole treatment plan.  Devastating! Especially when I’m literally counting down the days, hours, minutes until this is all over and more shallowly, until my hair starts growing back.


I have been instructed to rest at home and avoid crowds until Friday; they will then take another blood test and see if it has improved enough to proceed with the treatment.


So here I am at home lying in my bed doing exactly that, resting…. and willing my body to fight whatever infection it needs to, in order for me to be well enough by Friday so I can go and have my chemo. Ironic, don’t you think?



“Life is Ironic.  It takes sadness to know what happiness is.  Noise to appreciate silence.  Absence to value presence.  Unknown

Certainly, anyone whom I’ve witnessed, who has gone through something horrible and life-changing, has a sense of ironic humor, or an ability to look at the peculiarities of the world and find humor in it.  Unknown

Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding.  Agnes Repplier

“Some people see the glass half full.  Others see it half empty.  I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.”  George Carlin 

“What happens is of little significance compared with the stories we tell ourselves about what happens.  Events matter little, only stories of events affect us”.  Rabih Alameddine

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.  ~Kahlil Gibran


3 thoughts on “Irony

  1. There aren’t words that can adequately describe how this makes my heart ache… On the outside you’re brave, strong and determine but on the inside you’re just wishing this was all over and behind us. It seems like such a small thing, but I know just how huge it feels… This road is throwing us curve balls and speed humps at every turn, but these tests will make us stronger and we will get through each challenge we are faced with, together.

    What never ceases to amaze me in the kindness and compassion of people who have been down this road. Tea today with someone you barely know, who brings us treats (mince pies!!!), pink valve caps for the car, “support” gear… And shares experiences highs and lows with you. To know that 10 years on, there is hope of a life, even with a brand new normal fills me with hope and some kind of peace.

    Hang in there and just know how much I love you xxx

    ” We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” J Campbell

    “Hold on. I know its rough. I know its not what we planned. But we will get through it, just hold on” Anon

    “I’ve seen better days, but Ive also seen worse. I don’t have everything I want, but I do have everything I need. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. My life may not be perfect but I am blessed.” Anon


  2. Irony is both hard to describe and difficult to understand but you, my friend, have whacked the nail on the head!

    “You can close your eyes to things you don’t
    want to see, but you can’t close your heart to
    the things you don’t want to feel.”
    – Unknown


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s